Whatchu talkin bout Willis?!

so, in my search for people like me out there...30 somethings that have been diagnosed with kidney cancer, the pickin's are slim. many personal blogs are about random drama in people's lives that few other people in this world give a rat's a$$ about...this one will probably be no different. although the main subject will be my cancer, i'm sure i will go off on random tangents about anything from mixed emotions to who cut me off on the highway today. im not an english major...i wont capitalize or punctuate correctly, i will change tenses and i will speak like a g33k from time to time. basically i will be me...because i can hide behind my computer screen and its great!

ps...i will also jump around...my mind is all over the place all the time...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

False start

well, 2 weeks in to the 50mg treatment, i just can't take the side effects this time. i was not strong enough from the start and they are really kicking my butt. i had to go in to be drained again and dr. doom took me off of the 50mg dose until my side effects subside. meanwhile, coming off of the morphine and the sutent kicking my ass has once again taken all of my energy and stamina. i have a hard time doing just about everything and actually can barely do anything. extremely disheartening to go 2 steps forward and what seems like 10 steps back.

so, as soon as the side effects subside i am to go back on the 25mg dose and then figure out next steps from there. i pretty much have to have my belly drained weekly at this point. i really wish we could figure that out...figure out how to minimize that because it is so uncomfortable. so painful, the pressure, the bloating, the nausea, the lack of appetite when the fluid builds up. not to mention the fact that i feel like a freak having to go in and have my belly tapped and liters of fluid drained off. it somehow makes it more.....real i guess. the paracentesis people tell me stories of other people that come in there all the time and have 8, 10, 15 ltrs drained off regularly compared to my 3 or 4. i suppose that should make me feel better, but for some reason it does not.

anyway, just wanted to give everyone an update. on a good note, Forbes magazine came out with a great article this month. the link is below. check it out...it's pretty inspiring.

http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2009/0302/074_cancer_miracles.html

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know paracentesis is not at all pleasant and kudos to you for continuing the fight you are going to win!!!You're right. That article was inspiring and I'm sure that spontaneous regression is what's headed for lefty. With all that you've been through, your immune system is already propelling itself into high gear and getting ready to kick lefty to the curb. I'm sure of it!
Love you lots.

Aunt Deb-Deb

Anonymous said...

you already are a miracle! think of how much inspiration you have already give even to just those in this blog that have left comments. Thank you for being a factor on my life as well and cant wait to hear good news.

Inspector #12

BeanSaverMom said...

Inspector #12 hit the nail on the head - you are already a miracle and an inspiration to all the lives you continue to touch that belong to family, friends, and even those you've never met but talk to through this blog.

Anonymous said...

You are and continue to be an inspiration to so many including myself....that's a given.
Love,
Aunt Deb-Deb

Anonymous said...

I love you Bear! You give me inspiration and hope in my father's battle of lung cancer. Your blog really helps me! Keep up the good fight girlfriend :-)

wondertart

Anonymous said...

Yes, yes, yes.....you are an inspiration and a miracle! I've laughed and cried reading your blog since finding it.... and look forward to reading more from you.